Eins - Angst

You were there...

You didn't know what to expect. You were scared. Dead scared.

You had doubt.

But you had this flame inside you. 

You had always wanted to start it all over again.

Not to repeat the same horrible mistake you once did back then. In the boarding school.

You wanted to proof that you've learned your lesson.

So much so, that you didn't care how hard the task ahead would be.

You just wanted to start it all over again.

Your eyes were fixed on the only one goal.

Even the teachers were amazed at what you did on the very first day in that Gymnasium. 

Billrothgymnasium. 19th District.

You were like a horse. Racing and racing and racing.

But then you realized, you were not well equipped. And nobody told you that.

Not even her. She merely kept quiet, letting the flame inside you consumed you.

You were not well equipped. You understood almost nothing.

You tried hard to speed up. Then you stumbled. You realized that it was not enough... what you had. You needed more. Then only you could speed.

But you were too young to even think.

You were too scared to admit that you couldn't.

Too young to realize that you could actually shout, demanding to choose another road.

You were too dependent.

So, the only thing you could do at that time was to get on bed, pulled the quilt, and cried silently inside. 

Under the quilt, you shouted out your frustration only you could hear, 

tears streamed fast. 

You didn't know what to do.

Scared.