Saturday, March 23, 2013

Dear God, I want to change.

Dear God the Almighty

I truly thank you for everything I have now, for everything You gave me.
Thank you for creating me, for making me exist in this world.
But the truth is, I feel shamed of myself. 

Dear God the Almighty

I want to change. 

Help me, for me to help myself.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Unless if you think you evolved from apes, you should reflect upon the words.

The Almighty has created the angels with intellect but without sexual desires.
The Almighty has created animal with sexual desires but without intellect.
The Almighty has created mankind with both intellect as well as sexual desires.

So whoever's intellect rises above his desires joins the ranks of the angels and whoever's desires overpower his intellect drops to the level of animals.

-Mufti Menk-

Bravery and Confidence.


My teacher pointed me with his ruler and said: 
"At the end of this ruler there's an idiot!"

I got detention after asking which end.

Outlandish - Ready To Love


We got one life to love each other,
protect and be there for one another.

But worthless if we keep on fighting,
cause together we can face the night.

-outlandish-


x pernah menghampakan


Tiga - Arang.

September 2002. Manchester, UK.

Nota: New-comers yang baru masuk Ducie High School diwajibkan untuk mengambil Test XYZ bagi memudahkan urusan pihak sekolah untuk membahagikan murid-murid ke kelas-kelas tertentu mengikut tahap IQ dan pengetahuan am mereka. Di UK, pelajar masuk sekolah menengah seawal umur 11 tahun. 

Soalan ni aku ingat sampai sekarang, dan insyaAllah sampai mati.
'What is the colour of coal?' 
A. white   B. pink   C. black   D. green

Punyalah stuck dekat soalan ni. Serba tak tahu nak jawab apa. Coal? Sepanjang  11 tahun aku hidup, tak pernah tau wujudnya perkataan 'coal'.

Cuak. Macam mana ni? Seperti biasa, kalau aku tak tahu nak buat apa, aku akan mula bermain dengan imiginasi, buka ruang kreativiti otak aku, buat assumption sendiri. Oh ok, rupanya cara ni aku dah  mula sejak kecik lagi, sampai sekarang pakai taktik yang sama nak sedapkan hati klu cuak.

Aku yakin printer/mesin fotostat sekolah rosak. Ink dia nak habis. Tak pun cikgu yang tulis soalan ni typo. Patut tulis coat, tertulis coal. Nak je aku tambah garisan melintang kat huruf l tu biar jadi coat. Tolonglah.
Hmmm... Maybe dia nak tanya, nak uji pengetahuan am aku, warga dunia ni majoriti pakai coat warna apa. Padahal dah risau gila tak tahu nak jawab apa. Dan aku pada waktu tu, seperti kebanyakan pelajar Melayu di Nusantara, takut nak bertanya bila tak tahu. Penyakit pelajar Melayu. 

aku pilih C. black. Ok, sekarang boleh jawab soalan-soalan lain.

Tapi aku tak sedap hati. Patah balik. Selak semula muka depan, tenung balik soalan tu. 

No, B. pink. Ramai suka pki kot warna merah jambu. Aku yakin. Tapi resah, takut salah.
Ok, yakin balik, B. pink.
Masa dah tamat. Kertas soalan dikutip.

*          *          *

Aku: 'Sekolah salah taip soalan tadi. Ada ke coal?
Ummi: 'Hah, arang?'

hmmm... ye lah, arang warna pink.
Mantap pengetahuan am aku.
esok nak pi sekolah tak tau mana nak letak muka  x____x


*          *          *


Cerita 11 tahun yang lalu, terreflect balik dekat diri sendiri dgn situasi sekarang:
1) Kadang-kadang tu bukan kita tak tahu, tapi tak faham.
Nasib yang sama. Penat fikir soalan Physik, Physikalische Chemie, Analytische Chemie, Mathematik, etc. Apa yang soalan ni nak sebenarnya ni? Bila kawan terangkan, rasa macam nak menangis. Lah... ni ke yang dia nak, aku boleh buat la... Kadang-kadang hanya sebab tak faham dua tiga perkataan, atau struktur bahasa soalan tu, terus tak boleh nak jawab soalan. Sebab tak faham.
Lecture pun. sama kes.

2) No more teka-teki.
Disebabkan dah tak larat nak bermain dengan teka-teki, teka-teka, pastu salah, dan apabila mengetahui bahawasanya hasil daripada main hentam kromo ni ialah repeat year (ya, aku repeat year), maka alhamdulillah aku dah berjaya keluar dari kepompong ciptaan sendiri. Malu bertanya sesat jalan. Nak malu pun, biar bertempat. Aku terus tanya Prof bila tak faham. Lantaklah bahasa aku rojak. Kejap Jerman kejap Inggeris, ada pernah nak tersasul Melayu pun, nasib je tak terkeluar.

Perasaan lepas dah faham tu tak terkata. Rasa macam baru keluar penjara atau tanjung rambutan to be precised.

Teruslah bertanya pada Prof bila tak faham. Unless, klu rasa nak jadikan hobi baru repeat-repeat Year ni.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Bushido - Theorie & Praxis feat. Joka

Apa patut kita buat kalau rasa bosan tahap gaban, tensi, buat apa semua tak jadi?
Ya, kita pasang lagu kuat-kuat, dengar berkali-kali sampai nak muntah.

#Wir müssen unterscheiden zwischen Theorie und Praxis... wollen wir zu viel aber geben viel zu wenig# 

hamekau. lagu rap pun boleh bagi hang penampaq kencang 250km/h. buat malu ja

So, when you are lost, it is not him who's letting go off his hand. it is you.


If I didn't believe in Allah, I would have long ago lost my sanity trying to survive here in Vienna.

He helped me all the way through. He is still holding my hand, tight. And will always do.

You

Your status is what I can not describe.
You are more than a friend,
more than a big sister to me.

One night, I prayed for you.
For some one strong,
in and out.

And He gave me you.
And one day,
I hope you can bring me closer to Him.

What I want for you,
is that
for you to at last find your way,
the straigth path,
hand in hand with the right one.

I want the best for you,
in this world
and in the hereafter.

Dua - The old man

October 2009-October 2010; 18th District, Vienna

He had a dog. A huge one. Almost as tall as his over-knees. Black. Bushy.
He lived on the 2nd floor. Me? on the 3rd floor.

We had a narrow staircase. The building was old, more than 100 years or so. So, everytime I met him at the staircase with his dog, his facial expression would change, showing his unsatisfaction of the current situation he was in, showing his uneasiness having to deal with an 18-year-old scarfed girl. I can feel this hatred he had inside him. You are not welcomed here. You muslims better stay off our land. Squeezing his dog at the side of the wall (as if it made any difference), he would with his grumpy face let me passed by first. 

"Gruß Gott!" 
the common Austrian greetings, with a malaysian cheerful smile. But never even once he replied to my greetings.

And the scene repeated itself every week. Whenever I met him and his dog at the staircase, I would greet, smile, and try to make eye contact with him, just to show him some respect. And as usual, no reply.

For 12 months. 

Until that very last day. I was moving out to my dormitory. I met him again at the staircase. It would be the last greeting.

So, with a smile on the face, "Gruß Gott!"

Yet, no reply. He continued climbing up the staircase and I, in the opposite direction, going down. After passing him by, I turned my head ca.90° just to have that one last look of the old man. Surprisingly he on the upper staircase also turned his head to my direction. Both of us stopped. He turned his head away from me, then to me again, then away for several times. Panic?

I smiled.

"Das Wetter heute ist schön, oder?" (the weather today is nice, isn't it?) he asked hesitatedly.
"Ja, total schön!" (Yes, absolutely nice.) 

And our conversation started. He talked at length about his family, of how he missed his children leaving him behind, seldomly keeping in touch with him. He was shocked that a muslim young lady like me could speak good German.


*         *         *


I was thankful that I never really judged him for the way he treated me before. This misunderstanding, this misconception of muslims in general, this stereotyped-muslim picture they have in their head can only be broken through kindness, through patience, through the reflection of our action. Enough talking about how muslims really are, how we should be. You, dear muslims, should just keep quite, open the Book, read what it is being said to us, read with open heart, with sincerity what God had for long told us and act according to the teaching of Prophet peace be upon. Read his history, his legacy, our legacy.

He was dealt worse than us today, yet he managed to spread the greeting of Salam peace all over the world. We have to learn a lot from him.

After all, we are all human, we all need light to see...


and the Book is the Light for our hearts

Friday, March 15, 2013

Wardina Safiyyah

I have always loved her since Spanar Jaya.
And when I knew she made her Hijrah, I love her even more.
May Allah bless u and your family, Kak Dina.
I appreciate and admire your effort in reaching out, offering a helping hand to people out there, especially to our youth in Malaysia who are drowning in this ocean of Dunya and in desperate need of spiritual support and help. 
I, too, will try to do the same, if not better! You've set a great example for us, Kak Dina!

p/s: I'm terribly sorry for posting your photos here without your permission, but one couldn't help but to love these photos !!






Thursday, March 14, 2013

Answer to those who couldn't understand why some of us in our youth time don't hold beer bottles and dont dance on the disco stage


because you are the architects of your future


Respect


Honestly, calling some people pigs are disrespectful to the pigs
-Aiman Azlan-


you are what you say

Small things matter


Once, I read a curriculum vitae (CV) of one of my friends. She was applying for a job.

Me: Puhh.. I still don't get it. I mean, why on earth would they want to know your hobby? Like it would ever benefit them in your carrier and their company.

She: Sure do. Through hobby, they'll know 
  • how you spend your leisure time
  • the type of person you are (active or passive)
  • the way you communicate with people: the type of sport you play determines whether you can interact and mingle well with people, wether it's group-sports or individual sports you mostly play.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Target kau bukan dunia

Analoginya
seperti
bermain bola keranjang.

Tak kisah jatuh menyembah bumi,
tak kisah bergeselan dengan lantai,
tak kisah bola datang kencang menyembam muka,
tak kisah cermin mata patah pecah berkecai,
tak kisah seluar koyak kulit berdarah,
tak kisah urat kaki tergeliat, terseliuh, berpintal.

kerana kau dah jangka semua ini akan jadi,
kerana hati dan akal mu dah bersedia
kerana kau tahu kepuasan menanti di akhir pertarungan,
dan paling penting
kerana kau tahu di mana hala tuju.

Niat kau hanya satu
bersama pasukan,
akur dengan ketua,
mengikut strategi,
memenuhi peraturan,
agar jaring itu
dapat dibolos
berkali-kali.


tak faham

I seriously dont get people who keep on blaming the world for being so cruel, so unjust, so (the list goes on...) Demanding for the world to change, to fulfill their needs, to offer them a better future, etc.

Hello...wake up!
you are blaming the world.
THE WORLD
W.O.R.L.D.

kau salahkan dunia... like seriously?

Bodohnya kau.
Bodoh.


kenapa harapan kau tinggi melangit untuk dunia?
why expect 'great' things to bloom with buds of happiness, petals of appreciation from the soil of Dunya?
Kenapa harapkan pulangan daripada titik peluh dan lelah kau di dunia ni daripada Si Dunia?
Why put hopes on Dunya?
Is your goal really this Dunya?
If, yes, then sorry to say,
but go fix your goal,
dear friends.

Nein!

'Either he changed a lot that he deserves you
or
you haven't change at all/that much that you deserve him.'


Friday, March 8, 2013

Our conversation


Everything begins from you yourself,
from your inner self.
If the thing inside is right, 
then right things will come to you,
slowly, one by one.

Fix your innerself first,
fix your heart,
fix you.


siapa kata yg duduk obersi tu lupa tanah air ? :)

org duduk obersi (baca: oversea) lg kurang makan pedas
aku duduk obersi bertambah-tambah dasyat makan pedas



ada prnh skali xpuas hati masak lemak x pedas, gi dapur, buka peti ais, ambik sebiji cili padi. 
hmm... baru puas.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

HILFE

AAAAAARGHHHH!!!!!!
YA ALLAH, YA RABB!

TOLONGLAH AKU!

tolong aku, untuk aku tolong diri aku.

Glaube

und obwohl
alles zu schwierig erscheint
und die Stunde zu schnell vergeht
und du keine Ahnung davon hast, warum du dich nicht ändern kannst
und dein Herz vor Angst weint, weil es einfach so frustrierend ist,

glaub, es ist machbar, es ist schaffbar.

und du,
du wirst es schaffen.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

The word impossible doesn't exist in our dictionary of life

member² aku (Khaulahs) dekat Deutschland semua pakat dpt Note 1,0.
Aku kena dpt jugak.



Sistem pemarkahan Jerman dan Austria:
1- Excellent 2- Good 3-Satisfactory 4-Sufficient (=60%) 5-Fail
So Note 1,0 = 4flat